2012 survival of the expectations?h

So, I'm sat here, contemplating the new year, and the old one! 

Every year, around this time people start making their resolutions and talking about how much better the next one will be, but it occurs to me that no one ever seems willing to do much to make it better. It seems people expect to have it better, because they deserve it ~ Is it just my imagination or are people actually that stupid?

The resolutions:

''I'm going to quit smoking'' (no, you will, for like a week)

''I'm going to start going to the gym'' (again, what? for a week?)

''I'm going to lose weight '' (sorry, your gonna have to put the pork pie and cream cake down)

Why are people so centred on fixing the  problems they think they have, without any actual attempt to fix the real issues? If you are overweight, sure, get a diet, hit the gym, but have you tried focusing on your good qualities first? Because all the time you are negative about yourself, your gonna struggle to do the rest, its human nature.

If your so unhappy with your job, hunt around, do a course in your spare time, find a way to better yourself, because spending your days complaining about how much you hate it, is not gonna make a better job fall into your lap. You want to change your life, you actually have to work at it.... The only people on this planet that are ever handed anything on the proverbial silver platter are those who don't need it.

But i truly believe that if you work hard enough to help yourself, the you will get somewhere! 

So stop sitting back, thinking 2012 will be better than 2011... MAKE it better. I can personally say that the last 6 months of 2011 were at times incredibly difficult for me, for a number of reasons, both personal and professional i did not have a great time (let me be clear, that i had some good times, i am stating that generally over the 6 months I had to make some tough choices and face the tough consequences). Due to this I do not expect  2012 to be awesome because i had a bad few months.... Due to this I am going to do everything in my power to improve my odds of a better year, I am doing a course in hopes of increasing my job opportunities, Likewise I am job hunting, constantly. I hope, when I can afford to, I will return to the gym.. until then i find as many little ways to increase my exercises into my daily activities. I am removing the poisonous people from my life, and I am making sure to focus my attentions on my genuine friends, these are the people who have supported me so much in the last few months, who have been there to listen to my shit and make me smile when i needed it, these are the people who matter to me!

So, I make no new years resolutions, because its not a promise i need to make to anyone except myself... So i promise myself, I will do all that is in my power to improve my life, and to positively affect the lives of those i care about in 2012... Maybe you should all do the same, instead of starting the year by pressuring yourself into expectations! 

So I leave you with these thoughts, I say good luck to you, however I also remind you, if it all goes wrong, Don't worry to much.... its only 12 months 'til the apocalypse ;)

human weakness

We are a seriously messed up species...And I personally think we should learn a thing or 2 from the animals.
Really, we are (even the most anti-social of us) a sociable group, and in all honesty, I think that's what screws us up. Our dependency on others is unhealthy, it makes us think all sorts of illogical shit, it makes us weak.
I've seen it in myself, I have seen it in those I care for ~ I have seen how someone allows the person who breaks their heart to be the one they think can fix it, how is this in anyway sane?
The more someone makes you sad, the more you seen to want to turn to them, all I can say to this is What the FUCK?

You should Never allow someone to be your priority, whilst you remain their option, at the end of the day, that's the sort of thinking that will get you in trouble, its what makes you go the extra mile, it makes you think you can get away with silly little things. Ask yourself this; its the zombie apocalypse, your about to go back to save that special someone, your probably going to get bit doing so. Would they have gone back for you? If your answer is an un-doubting yes, then your lucky you have possibly got it sorted, but if there is even the slightest of doubt in your mind, what you should now be asking yourself is,  would you really go back for them? Sadly the answer is probably still yes, that's the human condition, the weakness! But if we don't toughen up, there is no way we will survive.
The animal kingdom will always supersede us, they have mating instinct, they have survival instinct. They do not sit all day pining for the ones they cant have, or focusing on someone who clearly has no time for them... they do what they do and the move on!
Our abilities to feel such intense emotions are really not an asset, they are a death sentence... so why the hell cant we stop ourselves?

Through the looking glass

You know those people? The ones who never quite fit in anywhere, always just on the outside of everything? Well, that's me!
Now, this is not something about which I'm complaining ~ in fact i find it helps me keep perspective on a great many things.
At work, I get called a freak, I have never really fit in with the crowd, I have never wanted to, before I generalise, I have some great friends there, but for the main part, by those higher up, I am a freak, because I look, dress and act a little differently, because i have tattoo's, or whatever. So, I never quite make a connection to these people (to be honest, I struggle to make a connection to many people). What I genuinely find funny though, is that because they, sat in their office, and their suits perceive me as different, they also perceive me as a little thick, and a little in-capable, I think they have this idea, that if I'm ''not corporate, then I'm not capable'', and even better... they think I have no idea that the think like this... I often get fobbed off when asking for oppertunities, by bullshit, that is very thinly veiled under a sheet of big words and a poor attempt at diplomacy!
To be straight, I am not the only person they have done this too, and I have seen it many times before, and I have seen good people let it get to them. 
But I'm me, I'm not good people... I'm just sitting waiting for the right chance to present its-self, sitting just outside the window, watching, waiting....  and when my time comes, they will be as expendable to me as I am to them, and i will never look back.


So, to all you people who sit looking through the glass, wishing you could, for once, be on the inside, my best advice is ~ Don't! Your'e in the best place, you can see so much more looking in, than you could if you were inside ~ also, people tend to forget you, so they let their guard down. In the words of everyone's favorite pirate, 'wait for the oppertune moment'

Sick and uninspired

Today my mind is definitely broken. Will I rant, probably, but I don't currently have he drive for it.

Do you ever have a day, where you could just pack a bag and go? A day where you sick of everyone and everything? That's me today, but in all honesty I'm mostly just sick of myself....
I'm sat here, in my robe, knowing I should get dressed and motivated, but truthfully I cant be arsed. Motivated for what? yet another shift in a job i hate and really, I do. I never used to, I loved my job, but like everything else that does not refresh itself, it grows old and withered, and everyday there is just groundhog day (I know, I know.. this is true of most peoples work places)
So my usual options for this kinda mood : the gym, music, my coursework (which may well just help me get a better job), none of it appealing, I have stared at facebook for the last half an hour ~ a horrible website, I think of it as an empty fridge (your bored so you look, there is nothing there...however you keep going back like food could have magically appeared, and the truth is your not even hungry).
Today I could quite happily shut down my facebook, smash my sim card, pack a bag (and my cat ~ he is awesome) and leave my life, indeed there was a time I would have. Sadly I had to grow up, get a job, pay rent... I can no longer be carefree enough to just leave, also, I would probably find myself in shit, needing my phone and pissed off that I'd recked my sim .... Truth is, I'm far to impulsive and not logical enough in these situations.
So as hard as I'm trying to inspire myself today I struggling, I'm not even ranting... somethings gotta be wrong... I always have a rant on about something.  I'm not quite sure why im writing this shit here either, I think I just need to get it out, because if I'm writing I'm being analytical... and I will figure something out.. but maybe  I just need to get off my ass and go through the proverbial motions until something hits.

2 things are certain today.... there shall be no more staring at the empty fridge and if someone wants to come and bundle me in a van and abduct me for a couple of days, I think I could live with that, or maybe someone should just kick my ass into touch!!!!!
Also ~ If the zombies come, lets hope it will be tomorrow and I will be back to my usual self ~ because love you or not, if they come today we could all be a li'll screwed :P

Judge not, lest ye be judged yourself!

Today I was visited by a family member, one I  do indeed love, however one I suffer endless comments  from with regard to my choice of appearance. This has been an on-going thing for quite some time, so firstly I feel the need to state 2 things;
1, I'm not particularly bothered by the opinions of others really.
2, I am aware that I choose to look a certain way and that this may draw comments, I accept this.


That being said, the person I'm mentioning above has stated repeatedly that in their opinion my choices look ''cheap'', ''nasty'' and make me look like a hooker. I'm talking, of course about my tattoo's, yes I do have quite a few, yes I will get several more, I shall probably continue to pierce my face, to stretch various piercings, dye my hair various colours and to generally create my appearance in a way which reflects who I am. 
So the question is, who am i? To be honest, I'm Joe Normal, I'm just a little odd! I get up from my bed, i live in my house, I have a cat,  I see my friends, in other words i have an average bullshit job, an average bullshit life, I like others enjoy art, I just wear mine, where others choose to hang theirs on their walls.
To date I have 17 tattoo's, some are meaningless, I just liked them at the time (however they still represent who I am through the things I have liked at one time or another), some are representative of people I have met, times of my life that have stood out to me and meant something! Not a single one of them makes me a bad person, a hooker, incapable of doing my job well, not a single one of them means I'm violent or a satanist or any other bullshit theories  that the narrow minded people of this world come up with.


Oddly enough during my above ranting I have actually come to find that I feel a certain amount of sympathy toward these people, because the blinkered way they look at the world means they will be able to look at a stunning tattoo and appreciate the hard work that went into creating it, to understand what it means to the person  wearing it. Its harder to do a tattoo, if you fuck up on canvas you can start again, that's not the case on skin. Every tattoo, however silly it may seem, means something to the wearer, and every tattooist who is worthy of the title knows it, that's a hell of a responsibility. Some people will never be able to open their eyes enough to see that, and that is a real shame.
I have more respect for tattooists than people in most other trades (ok, fair enough, I cant draw a straight line with a ruler, I wish I could do what they do). 
In Borneo it is considered a sign of great respect and wealth to be heavily tattooed, not a sign of those considered ''lower in society''


I do find it greatly amusing that these good people of the lord, of the higher classes who think themselves so above it all judge so freely, I wonder what skeletons are in their closet? 
So on that note, yeah ~ in the words of the mighty Metallica Judge not, Lest ye be judged yourself, but if you are insistent on judging, look a bit deeper than skin deep!

Lifeless without music

So, I think I feel the need for some serious subject matter ~ Don't worry, it wont last!

But, for now, think about this... Would you rather be deaf or blind?
You can take a minute to weigh up the options, but for me the answer is instant, Blind! There are a million beautiful sights I would miss, massively, I would miss the faces of the people I love, the ocean, the way everything looks in the fall, But i could cope.

A life without music though? Fuck no! I'd rather die!!!
I think people forget the importance of music in general, but there are people who have said to me ''This song saved my life'' and they meant it!
That pretty powerful stuff, nothing more than a few words, some instruments, a few notes ~ but add them together and they can reflect a lifetime of feelings that people connect to, people who struggle to connect to anything or anyone, they can all connect to a song for a reason or 2.
That must be pretty amazing, for the lyricists & musicians when they realise that, Some words are personal to them, and yet they reach so many others.

You ever had a song reduce you tears for no apparent reason? Or for a reason that's to painful to talk of? I have! I know what song I wanna hear when I die... (Walk, Pantera! hell of a tune to fade away too), I know what I want them to play at my funeral and Damnit!!! I want entrance music! (you hear them ominous keystrokes in jaws, you know that bad mother of a shark is coming.. kids know it, even over 30 years on!!) who doesn't, really!
I would love to have musical ability and I have every respect for the people who lend their life to music, I genuinely believe that the world without music would be a dull and lifeless place, full of people who felt repressed and unable to express their feelings ~ either through their own music or that of others!
These people are heroes in their own way, they will never understand how much what they do affects the lives of others, makes a difference. They will never know when something they wrote saves the life of someone they will never see, they will probably never know how important they are, or what they do is!

Enough said, simply put.. I would rather die, than live without music!  Now I'm gonna go find some tunes that are gonna motivate my ass to get up and do what I need to do for the day, Anyone in the mood for some Slayer or some Slipknot????

It was a long, cloudy night ~ Download 2011...

So, this story will make very little sence to most people. Infact there are possibly about 4 who will get it, in its entirety, however, it has been suggested I write it down ~ Im not even sure I remember it all, if im honest, But i will do my best.....

So, it was a long cloudy night, Download 2011......
Charli had been out in the village with Luke, Mary, Jacob, Sam and a few others, they had thier megaphone and were using it to cause merryment wherever they went. Meanwhile ~ a couple of new parents in some other, unknown place had decicded to go to Download 2011, and had called upon their babysitter, they had ensure said babysitter (i feel the need to call her Bob, its a good name) had a contct number, and off they went....
Back in the village charli & her friends had decided 1211 looked like he needed cheering up, so they took the megaphone over and said thier hellos, which sadly got the megaphone conviscated ~ that miserable bastard!!!!!
Lesser people would have given up, and infact half of them did, off they went, leaving Luke and Charli on a mission! They had a megaphone to retrieve! So off they went, firstly to the doghouse where a jegerbomb or 2 would help them think clearly about the best course of action, on leaving here they saw a fella from security, and asked him for help, he had none to give apart from to point them in the direction of the main security HQ.
Meanwhile, in another part of the real world, Bob the babysitter was having trouble, the child kept waking up, everytime she settled him down and went back downstairs, he would start to cry, she was increasingly freaked out by the lifesize clown sat smiling away in the corner of the childs room, eventually she gave up, she had to call the parents. At first she could not get through to them, however eventually she decided to call Download HQ and ask security for help, sadly security were very busy at this time, they were trying to help some guys re-aquire thier megaphone and were off little use.. again she had to keep trying the parants mobiles (this took some time, the parants had taken thier phone to the mobile charger place and paid the full £8 for 2 hours charging, also meeting some decent guys there!
Back in the village Luke and Charli were becoming frustrated, they had been sent to the place they bought the megaphone for a refund, to no avail. Half the security seemed to be more worried about a killer clown (no, not from outter space, that was klown) stalking babysitters, like some lame ass plot from a mid 80's slasher movie. However, they finally arrived at the security HQ where they met 0988, a rather decent dude who they chatted with for quite some time, he agreed to assist in returning the megaphone and after quite some time 1211 joined them.
During this time the parents of the babysat child had retrieved thier phone's and realised Bob had been calling, on contacting her, realised something awful was wrong ~ they told Bob she was clearly not in her right mind, they had no life-size clown toy, had she been drinking? They may have heard her responce more clearly, however, they were near a group of people desperatly trying to recover thier confiscated megaphone, so they decided they were at DOWNLOAD BABY and that they were sure that Bob could handle things herself.
Now during this time, it had become clear that 1211 was infact a decent guy, between him and 0988 they had decided to do the decent thing!!!! It was all quite shifty, Charli and Luke were sent to wait by a dark shady corner, where 1211 would eventually be able to come and return the megaphone, it was to be in a  spot away from all other stewards or security equipment, to the untrained eye, it would have looked like they were hiring & paying for a hitman (ok, maybe a drug deal), but its my story and I like to think big! !211 finally returned the megaphone to Luke and Charli and warned them to be careful with it, it was carefully hidden in charli's ''storage'' and off they went....
On their way back into the village, they heard a commotion from a nearby couple, it seems that they had left their child with a babysitter and she had been sadly hacked to pieces by a guy dressed like a clown, he had been in the house with her for hours.
However, I dont like to leave things on a less than happy ending, so I should tell you that the next day, the couple got to see Rob Zombie! Charli and Luke had thier megaphone back, and balance to the universe was restored ~ they next night they would kidnap a man named Jamie and this story would have been told for the first time, it was better then, but I was drunk and on a roll!
This is the best I remember it several months later, so I hope you enjoyed it...  and I hope if 1211 and 0988 are out there somewhere, they know we love them! they are leg-ends of the highest order! And I just really wanna go home now!!!

What makes people cunts!!!

So, recently it seems much has been said ~ things that are infact of nobodies business to be saying, but then that is why they are saying it, is it not?
It got me thinking about people, and why they do what they do, why they appear to thrive on the misery and misfortune of others. And if the problems of others are not exciting enough for them, they ''elaborate''


Well giving it some thought I figured people are such cunts, who enjoy to do these things because they are completely fucking miserable themselves, Because their lives are so very far from the perfect picture they work So hard to make you believe they are. Their kids are hard work, or their partners are not quite everything they expected, or they struggle with their jobs. Worst of all they think its alright!! Maybe someone should tell them to get their heads out of their asses because nobody has the perfect live, the rest of us just manage to get through it without making it more difficult for others.
So now i'm sitting here, and i'm wondering if after all, I should feel sorry for these people, if I should have sympathy for their pathetic actions, because they are clearly not fulfilled by their lives, and here i am (with, what some may assume was less than them (this is infact a matter of perspective)) and i'm happy, I enjoy my life, I aim to fix that which I don't and I don't feel the need to reduce the lives of these people to mindless lies and bullshit!


So, do I feel sorry for them?
Kinda, but ~ Truth be told,  when the zombies come, and i'm saving those i can (because that's how this shit goes down in my head) ~ if these people are left behind and begging for help, I think I may just have to make room for more worthy people, and I think I will be fine, leaving them behind to fight or die alone.
Hell if i'm feeling nice, maybe i will leave them a gun and 1 bullet!!!!
Think they will see the error of their ways? I doubt it ~ even in a post apocalyptic society they will be the voices behind your back, telling everyone how it nearly went wrong for you!!! Nah, I like my world without them ~ there is only room here for those I trust!!! 

Why Disabled badges piss me right off!!!!

So, I should probably start by saying - I dont actaully drive (yet), But still.. i have my rant on about Disabled/ disabled badges and pregnant women!!!
Its the parking spaces that get me, I'm not lazy, I dont care how far across the parking lot I have to go to get to the store or whatever, but the disabled spaces are RIGHT next to the front door, Seriously, its not like your saving thier legs... They can Wheel!
Ok, fair enough, some of them walk, and struggle, but mostly I'm talking about the wheelchair bound.
But you know whats even worse than that?????!!!!!! RIGHT next to the disabled spaces, are the pregnant/ mother and child spaces? Really? Your pregnant, women have been doing it for a millenia, yor not ill, its not a disease! So why cant you walk that bit further... Same as if you already had the kid really. Are you not just teaching your kid to be lazy? Isn't obesity enough of a problem already? Give the little shits some excercise for fuck sake!!!!!

The worst thing is, from what I see where I live, the people who are given these privilages, half of them dont even need it (before y'all get to pissed, I'm refering to the fakers, there are plenty, especially round here) and it royally fucks me off to see them getting everything, handed to them on a silver platter, when the rest of us work our asses off for nothing!
This week I have seen a friend in need of help, being refused it, because she works full time, I have also seen people who sign on, have 3 kids and a nasty li'll problem with smack be given everything my friend needs!
I see people using those disabled badges to park thier free cars they were given and flaunt the extra money they recieve on disability, walking about when they think they are safe.
Maybe this is another reason I need my apocalypse? I think the rules of society really need to be re-written, its time for a change!!!

Thats it really ~ Just a mini rant today

Why I need there to be a zombie apocalypse!

Ok, so im not the most tolerant of people at the best of times, but in all honesty.... its really not my fault!
I mean, seriously, have you met the general public? They are incredibly stupid, annoying.... and they dont even seem to notice... Really? How can they not!!!
I went to the store this morning and was cut up by the same damn woman 3 times!!! Then people who were probably neighbours were blocking a whole aisle, chatting... AND had the nerve to look at me like i was the one causing inconvenience to them!!! Seriously, i despise Joe public!!!
They are, for the best part, mindless, senceless. They walk about like they possess neither eyes, nor a brain.... To all intents and purposes..... They are Zombies! (well, maybe they dont crave brains, but you get where i'm coming from, Right?)

So here is the stinger.... You can literally do fuck all about it, except for frown at them, give them dirty looks, rant to people and if you really feel so much about it... you can write a blog, that maybe 1 or 2 people will read!!!!

Now, I spend a lot of time planning for the Zombie apocalypse, i'm actually very excited about it... I have my plan people!!! But that is another blog, for another day! My point is.. im literally dying to put it into operation at times when I have to deal with people en-mass.

Tell me you never fantasise about just going mad, letting rip when people get to much? You havn't? I dont believe you!!!!
I may have issues with controlling my temper, but I will never lie about it... I have thought about exploding on those fuckers!!!! Violently, loudly... Hell yes! the idea I could just get them the fuck out of my way, at least until I'm done doing what i gotta do, heaven!

So... here is my point... There you are, in the street, the store, the beach, wherever really... and the virus hits, they all turn (except my friends.... in my head, they are always all imune to the Zombie virus, because my friends dont piss me off).. and there you are... complete freedom to shoot every single one of those fuckers that has been in your way, pissing you off, right between the eyes. And to be able to do it... all in thename of survival! Catharsis at its purest.
Most of you will deny you have ssuch violent thoughts, because you are normal, sane human beings, you dont talk about how much you hate people, how angry they make you, because you want to fit into society, to conform.. Well good luck with that,  I for one will be there... the minute you turn from a proverbial zombie to a real one, Gun in hand, ready to pay you back for every time you walked to slowly in front of me, or cut me up, or blocked my way... for every single moronic little thing that could have ever possibly pissed me off!
So yeah.... i have plenty of reasons to be waiting on my apocalypse!!!

Who needs 8 fucking legs!!!

Ok, so I have been told I should do this shit...
But What to blog about.. hmm, Anyone who knows me well, knows I rant! Alot!!!!
Some have even woken up to my senceless ranting because my dream pissed me off (this was not appreciated) :/

So here I sit, cup of tea empty (I could rant about that) wondering where to start...
And it has to be my arch nemesis... Spiders!!!

Seriously.... WTF is wrong with them....????
Who needs 8 legs....????

I will start at the middle, because i never think in a linear fashion... my brain has more tangents than anything i can think to compare it too!!!
I have been scared of spiders since i can remember, and people have told me for years... ''that little thing is more scared of you than you are of it'' Really??? WHY the fuck does it run at me and i run away??
WHY when they are so scared of me, do they create that horrible webby stuff, and use it to absail down onto unsuspecting passers by?
Its like fucking black op's or something!!!  They perch in the corner f your room, watching you... waiting... planning.
Ever asked yourself why they have 8 legs? I can accept 6...  4 for walking (although i manage just fine on 2), 2 for weaving afore mentioned horrible webby stuff as they attack... So what the hell are the other 2 for???
My thought is weaponry... tiny little machine guns, or machette's

Here is another possibilty...    Recording equipment!!!  Its a government conspiracy!!!!
Its 1984 my friends and big brother is watching you!!!