As everyone knows, I am not big on regrets, I fully believe and have said a thousand times, everyone and everything is in your life for a reason.
Everything bad that has happened to me, has shaped me - I have learnt and grown from it, and will continue to do so, from every hurt, every mistake and every loss. As I will from the positives, I gain something from everyone in my life.
I think, that I am lucky to have this perspective, I speak quite regularly to some people - who can't seem to see the silver lining, who don't realise that as bad as they may feel, there are people who have it worse. People who take every little thing as a setback and a personal affront, and I can't help but feel bad for them .... not because they have it tough, but because they can't seem to see that there is a way through. That if people leave their lives, they leave for a reason, or whatever... I pity the people who regret and lament everything.
So, it is a great oddity that today, I find myself with regret, missing someone who left my life - and missing them horribly too, I might add. They have been on my mind a bit lately, for whatever reason. And for someone I never actually met face to face, he had a great impact on my life, he was a truly amazing friend, and someone I just lost contact with. He always made me laugh, we caused sufficient trouble together and he always had a logical answer to my problems - and me, I was the crazy bitch who did whatever, whenever with little thought to consequences... something he always wished he could do, but found himself choosing the responsible route, so he lived his spontaneous nature vicariously though me.
As always, there is learning here. NEVER ask ''what if'' or ''should I''. Life is too short - don't ask, just do! Never allow the sensibilities of others to hold you back. Don't be scared to live, just because they are. Take risks, won't it piss you off if you take the safe option - and then get hit by a bus anyway? Everything is 50/50, but you could do something amazing - IF you take the risk.
There you have it, my life's only regret - I should have got on the fucking plane!!!!
Friday, 15 March 2013
Tuesday, 12 March 2013
Have no fear...
I am a fortunate person, in as much as I can say I have very good friends, friends who care about me (for some crazy reason,) quite a lot.
Which is lovely and I'm not complaining. But it is, at times fare to say, they care too much! Well meant intentions rule their perspectives.
My friends worry about my choices, my options and the consequences. But I really need them to understand that those things are indeed mine.
I own my mistake's, they are mine to make - and they are mine to learn from. When I defend things, maybe it's because I see more sides to it than people seem to realise that there are, and not because I am fighting blindly.
My friends want to protect my heart - but what is the point in protecting something that is supposed to be used. You can't truly open yourself to love anything if you are to scared to risk exposure and pain - and I want it, I am exposed, my heart has always been worn on my sleeve - this means it is scarred, and worse for wear, at times maybe a bit weary... but isn't it worth it? for the lessons learnt? I know it will be hurt again, and I know it will heal again. I will learn from this.
You may see me making what you consider to be 'the same mistake', but how can it be... when such different factors are involved. I am a different person, the people around me are different, as is every aspect of my life.... everything and everyone is constantly evolving.
I love these people who want to protect me, but I can protect myself. I love them because they want to, but more so, because I know that when I have not protected myself well enough, they will help me heal - as they always have. And as I would like to think I have done for them.
But, my friends - I mostly need you to understand that I have probably already considered your perspectives, your probable thoughts on my situation and so on, and while I always respect you, and what you say, you need to do the same for me. Understand I enter situations with eyes wide, cautious, but adventurous. Hopeful, but weary. I almost always know what I'm going into, I have an idea of how it'll play out alot... but sometimes I'm wrong. Sometimes people can surprise you.. if you let them. But either way, they are my choices to make, and good or bad, learn from.
Hunter S Thompson summed it up best with his quote (Which, I believe applied to the heart and soul - as much as they body) - A quote I will have inked on me, so I never forget.....
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!”
Which is lovely and I'm not complaining. But it is, at times fare to say, they care too much! Well meant intentions rule their perspectives.
My friends worry about my choices, my options and the consequences. But I really need them to understand that those things are indeed mine.
I own my mistake's, they are mine to make - and they are mine to learn from. When I defend things, maybe it's because I see more sides to it than people seem to realise that there are, and not because I am fighting blindly.
My friends want to protect my heart - but what is the point in protecting something that is supposed to be used. You can't truly open yourself to love anything if you are to scared to risk exposure and pain - and I want it, I am exposed, my heart has always been worn on my sleeve - this means it is scarred, and worse for wear, at times maybe a bit weary... but isn't it worth it? for the lessons learnt? I know it will be hurt again, and I know it will heal again. I will learn from this.
You may see me making what you consider to be 'the same mistake', but how can it be... when such different factors are involved. I am a different person, the people around me are different, as is every aspect of my life.... everything and everyone is constantly evolving.
I love these people who want to protect me, but I can protect myself. I love them because they want to, but more so, because I know that when I have not protected myself well enough, they will help me heal - as they always have. And as I would like to think I have done for them.
But, my friends - I mostly need you to understand that I have probably already considered your perspectives, your probable thoughts on my situation and so on, and while I always respect you, and what you say, you need to do the same for me. Understand I enter situations with eyes wide, cautious, but adventurous. Hopeful, but weary. I almost always know what I'm going into, I have an idea of how it'll play out alot... but sometimes I'm wrong. Sometimes people can surprise you.. if you let them. But either way, they are my choices to make, and good or bad, learn from.
Hunter S Thompson summed it up best with his quote (Which, I believe applied to the heart and soul - as much as they body) - A quote I will have inked on me, so I never forget.....
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!”
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