Got all your demons held at bay...

I have fear on the mind - not your conventional 'fear', but the other stuff, the every day stuff! I have always said (and I really do believe it) That you should do something that scares you, every day!

Its easier said than done though - its not so easy to find something that scares you that often, and then there is the fear itself! Its a natural instinct, so f course you would hold back. It's all about self preservation! And sometimes I realise that I'm not living by the rules of my own philosophy.

But I realised this morning that over the past couple of weeks I have indeed been biting the proverbial bullet! This morning I took down a spider from my bathroom ceiling (ok, i used a broom, but this is progress for me). Now zombies I can handle, but things of the 8 legged variety ~ not so much, so go me!  There would have been a time I would have been scrolling through my phone to see who could come save me!
On a more serious note, a week or so back I started to learn to swim. I'm 32 now and I have never been able to. I'm not so scared of drowning, that is actually something I have nailed quite well, in fact. But in order to learn to swim, I had to put my faith 100% in someone else, that really is scary. I have bee told I'm to independent and I have never in my life allowed someone else that much trust, but I did it, I took a breath and let it go. And so, for the first time I swam, not far, not wonderfully well, but I know I can now.
I don't trust easily and I definitely do not allow anyone to look after me. I don't need it, I never have. I would rather be stubbornly independent, than to put faith in someone, only to find that someone no longer there and myself lost. So that, it was a big thing for me.
And on a scarier note, the other day, I opened myself up in a pretty major way too. I left myself exposed and vulnerable, these are not things I am comfortable with . I spend my life building walls and working on keeping people at a distance! I don't let people in and I don't ever put myself in a position of weakness with people, and yet I did! What's more, doing so has made no change (ok, so I did not expect it too) , and yet, I find myself oddly at ease with my actions.

Is this a new turn around? I don't think so, but I certainly seem to be taking little leaps of faith lately, so all I can say is that I hope they keep on coming and becoming much bigger leaps!