Who am I?
I wish to hell I knew - what I do know? Hmmm, lemme see - I am a contradiction, I know that.
I am hard and cold, I won't let you in unless you earn it, I will hold you at arms length as long as I can, I will defend myself against you til the bitter end. I will also love you un-conditionally. I can hand on my heart say, I have in someway loved every single person in my life, maybe for a short time, maybe longer - for many different reasons. Everyone I know has influenced me, affected me, taught me, hurt me, loved me, leaned on me or been someone to lean on. I am who I am for each of these experiences - whoever you are, I love you for it.
I am a hopeless romantic, but I hate romance, I live inside a dreamworld made of horror. I watch it, read it, game it - I surround myself in it, because ultimately, I can believe in that shit, more easily than I can believe in love.
I have no faith in myself, but I will fight for you with every breath I have - If you mean anything to me, I will always fight.
You will always come 2nd to the music, because the music keeps me sane, it reflects everything I am, everything I feel and everything I can be. If you actually wanna find me, I will be on the beach, but you need to know me well enough to know if I wanna be found. I never want you to talk me off the ledge, I want you to take my hand and jump off it with me.
I am an open book, I will tell you my story - It will never mean I have let you in. I will show you the art I cover myself with, but it doesn't mean I will ever show you the scars I carry inside. You can cause my pain, but you'll ever see it.
I have infinite strength, I have victoried a thousand pains, I have triumphed over myself. I have triumphed over you! Whoever you are!
I will dance like my last breath is due, but never when your watching. I will cry for you, but never when you can see. And I laugh til I can't breathe, when all the world can see.
I am who I am, nothing more, everything less. I will continue to cross the line, to push the boundaries. I will give you bluntness and honesty when, even when it 's not in my best interest. I am everything and nothing. I am the sum of the people who have touched my life and nothing more than purely myself!
I am a contradiction and an enigma. I know myself better than I ever have, and I have no idea who I am!
And I'm still fighting! I'm still jumping off the damn ledge everyday. And maybe someday, someone will wanna jump off it with me.
Monday, 19 March 2012
Monday, 5 March 2012
Talkin 'bout my generation
So, I was laying in bed - thinking about the 80's (of course) I had this fantastic thread of generational based ranting, and I thought to myself ''Self! blog this shit'', of course I have forgotten most of it! However, I do somewhat have some stuff to say :-
The 80's was responsible for some terrible things, we had shell suits, the sideways ponytail, some truly god-awful music and leg-warmers. There was also white dog shit - Everywhere!
This all said, we had some great shit going on too, clearly not fashion wise! The 80's was a great time for metal, so forgive the awful music, because it can be counter balanced with some great music too. Then there was the movies; Films like Ghostbusters, The Goonies, Labyrinth and Back to the future and the film that personally, for me epitomises the 80's The Lost boys, Nothing of today has any of the feel to it, that these things did!
I'm not sure I its just because I was a kid, but for me, I think it is a time that symbolises innocence, however at the same time it was a very experimental era. People were getting more rights, gays were starting to be more open about their sexuality, more people were experimenting with more drugs.
The big fear in the 80's was the AIDS, a fear borne purely from ignorance, but kids were outside, kids did stuff, they had real friends. Me, I spent my childhood up a tree, or on my bike, building dens and climbing into, onto and over everything possible! My summers were passed on the beach and I think to be fair, I probably wasn't actually indoors that much when the weather was shit! We were pretty poor, but it was irrelevant, because I was happy with that shit!
Today, kids don't really go out, the media has made the world more aware, it has also spawned fear, so parents wrap their kids in cotton wool, they don't let them to far out of sight, they worry about abductors or peado's or whatever! A game console is a substitute sitter, on-line 'friends' are deemed less of a threat.
I think this has, in a general sense, caused people to have less creativity, less imagination - and more fat kids! (no, not the wonderfully awful drink, I was a little to fond of, at the Marquee).
Fuck it! Give me my dodgy leg-warmers, my sideways ponytail and power ballads, give me movies that had some feeling to them, and if you must, put the damn white dog shit back! I for one wouldn't change my generation for owt!
The 80's was responsible for some terrible things, we had shell suits, the sideways ponytail, some truly god-awful music and leg-warmers. There was also white dog shit - Everywhere!
This all said, we had some great shit going on too, clearly not fashion wise! The 80's was a great time for metal, so forgive the awful music, because it can be counter balanced with some great music too. Then there was the movies; Films like Ghostbusters, The Goonies, Labyrinth and Back to the future and the film that personally, for me epitomises the 80's The Lost boys, Nothing of today has any of the feel to it, that these things did!
I'm not sure I its just because I was a kid, but for me, I think it is a time that symbolises innocence, however at the same time it was a very experimental era. People were getting more rights, gays were starting to be more open about their sexuality, more people were experimenting with more drugs.
The big fear in the 80's was the AIDS, a fear borne purely from ignorance, but kids were outside, kids did stuff, they had real friends. Me, I spent my childhood up a tree, or on my bike, building dens and climbing into, onto and over everything possible! My summers were passed on the beach and I think to be fair, I probably wasn't actually indoors that much when the weather was shit! We were pretty poor, but it was irrelevant, because I was happy with that shit!
Today, kids don't really go out, the media has made the world more aware, it has also spawned fear, so parents wrap their kids in cotton wool, they don't let them to far out of sight, they worry about abductors or peado's or whatever! A game console is a substitute sitter, on-line 'friends' are deemed less of a threat.
I think this has, in a general sense, caused people to have less creativity, less imagination - and more fat kids! (no, not the wonderfully awful drink, I was a little to fond of, at the Marquee).
Fuck it! Give me my dodgy leg-warmers, my sideways ponytail and power ballads, give me movies that had some feeling to them, and if you must, put the damn white dog shit back! I for one wouldn't change my generation for owt!
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