Through the looking glass

You know those people? The ones who never quite fit in anywhere, always just on the outside of everything? Well, that's me!
Now, this is not something about which I'm complaining ~ in fact i find it helps me keep perspective on a great many things.
At work, I get called a freak, I have never really fit in with the crowd, I have never wanted to, before I generalise, I have some great friends there, but for the main part, by those higher up, I am a freak, because I look, dress and act a little differently, because i have tattoo's, or whatever. So, I never quite make a connection to these people (to be honest, I struggle to make a connection to many people). What I genuinely find funny though, is that because they, sat in their office, and their suits perceive me as different, they also perceive me as a little thick, and a little in-capable, I think they have this idea, that if I'm ''not corporate, then I'm not capable'', and even better... they think I have no idea that the think like this... I often get fobbed off when asking for oppertunities, by bullshit, that is very thinly veiled under a sheet of big words and a poor attempt at diplomacy!
To be straight, I am not the only person they have done this too, and I have seen it many times before, and I have seen good people let it get to them. 
But I'm me, I'm not good people... I'm just sitting waiting for the right chance to present its-self, sitting just outside the window, watching, waiting....  and when my time comes, they will be as expendable to me as I am to them, and i will never look back.


So, to all you people who sit looking through the glass, wishing you could, for once, be on the inside, my best advice is ~ Don't! Your'e in the best place, you can see so much more looking in, than you could if you were inside ~ also, people tend to forget you, so they let their guard down. In the words of everyone's favorite pirate, 'wait for the oppertune moment'

Sick and uninspired

Today my mind is definitely broken. Will I rant, probably, but I don't currently have he drive for it.

Do you ever have a day, where you could just pack a bag and go? A day where you sick of everyone and everything? That's me today, but in all honesty I'm mostly just sick of myself....
I'm sat here, in my robe, knowing I should get dressed and motivated, but truthfully I cant be arsed. Motivated for what? yet another shift in a job i hate and really, I do. I never used to, I loved my job, but like everything else that does not refresh itself, it grows old and withered, and everyday there is just groundhog day (I know, I know.. this is true of most peoples work places)
So my usual options for this kinda mood : the gym, music, my coursework (which may well just help me get a better job), none of it appealing, I have stared at facebook for the last half an hour ~ a horrible website, I think of it as an empty fridge (your bored so you look, there is nothing there...however you keep going back like food could have magically appeared, and the truth is your not even hungry).
Today I could quite happily shut down my facebook, smash my sim card, pack a bag (and my cat ~ he is awesome) and leave my life, indeed there was a time I would have. Sadly I had to grow up, get a job, pay rent... I can no longer be carefree enough to just leave, also, I would probably find myself in shit, needing my phone and pissed off that I'd recked my sim .... Truth is, I'm far to impulsive and not logical enough in these situations.
So as hard as I'm trying to inspire myself today I struggling, I'm not even ranting... somethings gotta be wrong... I always have a rant on about something.  I'm not quite sure why im writing this shit here either, I think I just need to get it out, because if I'm writing I'm being analytical... and I will figure something out.. but maybe  I just need to get off my ass and go through the proverbial motions until something hits.

2 things are certain today.... there shall be no more staring at the empty fridge and if someone wants to come and bundle me in a van and abduct me for a couple of days, I think I could live with that, or maybe someone should just kick my ass into touch!!!!!
Also ~ If the zombies come, lets hope it will be tomorrow and I will be back to my usual self ~ because love you or not, if they come today we could all be a li'll screwed :P