I was just talking to a friend, about love and loss and pain and all that shit.
And I told her something, about my past experiences, i told her about this guy... no names, those who know me, and have known me, well.. they know who, those who don't, Well they don't need to. simply!
It was a hell of a long time ago and this is what I told my friend ''Loving him is the hardest thing I have ever done, getting over him damn near killed me''These points are both true, as is the second thing I told her, which was that over all the years, all the pain and the attempts to cause each other a lot of hurt, after all the things he put me through, after all the tears, all the times I wanted to die, and all the times i wanted to kill him.... This is my realisation 'That I quite simply do not hate him anymore, yet nor do I care anymore' I can finally say i hold him no ill will, I hope he is happy, i hope his life is fulfilled, yet I never want to be a part of it.
Sure enough, I have loved and lost and hurt and been hurt, but he was the one, y'know... the first love and all that shit, and when that person is constantly drifting inn and out of your life, its tough to have closure on it all, so the realisation that if i saw him in the street tomorrow, I would smile or nod an acknowledgement, but would want no further interaction from him.
I'm not sure on my point here, apart from to say, we all have a lot of strength and sometimes we are unaware of just how much we have. But for all those people hurting, you should know, it gets easier... I am living proof... one day, you may even forgive them, I have, and I had a lot to forgive!
Friday, 17 February 2012
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
Locked inside your heart shaped box
So... tis valentines day!
A day when everyone gets over excited about buying junk that will end up in a bin or a cupboard, buying it so they can ''prove' their love for someone!
Well, I am genuinely glad that I am currently single, I really am! Ok, so I'm pretty far from being your conventional girl, I burp, fart, I'm a massive pervert.. I'm fairly open and very comfortable with the amount of porn I watch and I end up on more lads nights out than half the lads I know!
But this social convention that pressures people into spending money they probably don't really have, on shit no one really wants, that costs twice as much as any normal day ~ Well, it just bugs me!
Honestly guys, do it, buy your lady flowers ~ some other day of the year, some day when your just walking past and you think ''these would really make her smile'' That's the time for that shit (or when your in the wrong, of course)
And if your gonna do the whole V day shit, then do you really have to be so un-original? You should know your partners, you should know what they like ~ find something a li'll bit more personal, something between you n them, something most other people wouldn't get.
So, that is pretty much it, my mini rant!
Regardless of my thoughts and feelings about my current relationship status (single and quite comfortable with it... I am really sooooo sooo happy that on this particular day, I am single, I am saved the bullshit pressures society places on us!
That is all, Save to say happy birthday to 2 awesome friends (who more than like will not see this) and I love my wifey :D
A day when everyone gets over excited about buying junk that will end up in a bin or a cupboard, buying it so they can ''prove' their love for someone!
Well, I am genuinely glad that I am currently single, I really am! Ok, so I'm pretty far from being your conventional girl, I burp, fart, I'm a massive pervert.. I'm fairly open and very comfortable with the amount of porn I watch and I end up on more lads nights out than half the lads I know!
But this social convention that pressures people into spending money they probably don't really have, on shit no one really wants, that costs twice as much as any normal day ~ Well, it just bugs me!
Honestly guys, do it, buy your lady flowers ~ some other day of the year, some day when your just walking past and you think ''these would really make her smile'' That's the time for that shit (or when your in the wrong, of course)
And if your gonna do the whole V day shit, then do you really have to be so un-original? You should know your partners, you should know what they like ~ find something a li'll bit more personal, something between you n them, something most other people wouldn't get.
So, that is pretty much it, my mini rant!
Regardless of my thoughts and feelings about my current relationship status (single and quite comfortable with it... I am really sooooo sooo happy that on this particular day, I am single, I am saved the bullshit pressures society places on us!
That is all, Save to say happy birthday to 2 awesome friends (who more than like will not see this) and I love my wifey :D
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
My random crazy life with random crazy friends!
Ok, so I have basically had such a Random night, I feel the need to make notes of the events!
I had plans with the spudman to see the new underworld movie, however being me... this was pretty much the height of my planning. (I can't actually plan, I just have great ideas and hope others come up with the finer details)
So, we met on the train, shot the shit, caught up a bit and thus the afternoon began.. I wanted hair dye, so a quick stop at the rock collection sorted such issues, where i also decided the guy who served me was rather dollsome, and therefore got slightly annoyed that I was not wearing something which better showed off my bewbs!
After this we had to do a trip of all the cinema's in the city, trying to decide which had shows at times better serving our transport issues... it was like shopping with a bloody women, all the cinemas and we ended up at the first one!
Now, deciding our fate lay with the odeon, we decided we had time to grab a bite and whats more a pint! We also went to the 99p store, where they had all the munchies you could ask for, for 99p! All, apart from peanut M&Ms... this caused quite some trauma.... I settled on a cheap version (super nutsy) however Jay would have none of it... and off we went in search of the real thing!
Finally peanut M&Ms located and Jay happy ... off we went to the wildman! The Wildman (for those who don't know me that well) is a nice enough pub, but it is my backup plan! Since the closure of my local (The Marquee) i have started to drink there... having searched for a pub that has friendly staff and a decent jukie! I have started to feel comfortable there... to know the staff on a first name basis.. and so on, so...... imagine my upset to find all new staff, no familiar faces! For the most part though it appears unchanged.
Pint down and off I go to order number 2... when (and it sounds arrogant, but it often happens) my tattoo's caught the attention of a guy at the bar... this time it was the stars on my ace, but eventually lead to my revealing half my arm and shoulder... after chatting to this guy and his partner/ friend, he starts to ask about he piercings and how they stay in (yeah, really) ~ now i will backtrack a second to last time, when i went in there with Luke, which ended in some very drunk men rubbing his belly, leering over him and my having to step in and ask them to leave him be, so it seems strange people / events occur in this place... often ~ after a while this guy is asking to see the inside of my bars, he then asks if i wanna feel a big lump of metal in his face, grabs my hand and puts it on his jaw line (i feel nothing) however he clearly decided this was not sufficient and before i can do a thing, my finger is in his mouth (yes, really) again, i state ~ he had hold of my hand, I had no control!!! (again, I felt nothing, however i very much wanted my hand back!, so i said i did)
Finally we broke away, finished our pints and headed for the movie. Having purchased our tickets, (this took some time, as I felt the need to tell the girl who served us, and the man who checked our tickets, all about the man who had put my hand in his mouth and how violated I felt) located seats and pissed half a dozen times each, it was time to open the munch... my super nutsy smelt funny and were generally unpleasant, however, Jay finally had to relent and share them, as he had somehow managed to rip his bag open so forcefully that it rained peanut m&ms ~ causing me to snort some! Barely controlling my laughter I decided to look on facebook during the adverts, as Jay had said that Nims had inboxed me... I came across her status... this is what i read...
''Cap'n Nimmy O Negative
I had plans with the spudman to see the new underworld movie, however being me... this was pretty much the height of my planning. (I can't actually plan, I just have great ideas and hope others come up with the finer details)
So, we met on the train, shot the shit, caught up a bit and thus the afternoon began.. I wanted hair dye, so a quick stop at the rock collection sorted such issues, where i also decided the guy who served me was rather dollsome, and therefore got slightly annoyed that I was not wearing something which better showed off my bewbs!
After this we had to do a trip of all the cinema's in the city, trying to decide which had shows at times better serving our transport issues... it was like shopping with a bloody women, all the cinemas and we ended up at the first one!
Now, deciding our fate lay with the odeon, we decided we had time to grab a bite and whats more a pint! We also went to the 99p store, where they had all the munchies you could ask for, for 99p! All, apart from peanut M&Ms... this caused quite some trauma.... I settled on a cheap version (super nutsy) however Jay would have none of it... and off we went in search of the real thing!
Finally peanut M&Ms located and Jay happy ... off we went to the wildman! The Wildman (for those who don't know me that well) is a nice enough pub, but it is my backup plan! Since the closure of my local (The Marquee) i have started to drink there... having searched for a pub that has friendly staff and a decent jukie! I have started to feel comfortable there... to know the staff on a first name basis.. and so on, so...... imagine my upset to find all new staff, no familiar faces! For the most part though it appears unchanged.
Pint down and off I go to order number 2... when (and it sounds arrogant, but it often happens) my tattoo's caught the attention of a guy at the bar... this time it was the stars on my ace, but eventually lead to my revealing half my arm and shoulder... after chatting to this guy and his partner/ friend, he starts to ask about he piercings and how they stay in (yeah, really) ~ now i will backtrack a second to last time, when i went in there with Luke, which ended in some very drunk men rubbing his belly, leering over him and my having to step in and ask them to leave him be, so it seems strange people / events occur in this place... often ~ after a while this guy is asking to see the inside of my bars, he then asks if i wanna feel a big lump of metal in his face, grabs my hand and puts it on his jaw line (i feel nothing) however he clearly decided this was not sufficient and before i can do a thing, my finger is in his mouth (yes, really) again, i state ~ he had hold of my hand, I had no control!!! (again, I felt nothing, however i very much wanted my hand back!, so i said i did)
Finally we broke away, finished our pints and headed for the movie. Having purchased our tickets, (this took some time, as I felt the need to tell the girl who served us, and the man who checked our tickets, all about the man who had put my hand in his mouth and how violated I felt) located seats and pissed half a dozen times each, it was time to open the munch... my super nutsy smelt funny and were generally unpleasant, however, Jay finally had to relent and share them, as he had somehow managed to rip his bag open so forcefully that it rained peanut m&ms ~ causing me to snort some! Barely controlling my laughter I decided to look on facebook during the adverts, as Jay had said that Nims had inboxed me... I came across her status... this is what i read...
''Cap'n Nimmy O Negative
Now, being myself, easily, childishly amoosed, I did the only thing I could... I pissed myself laughing... I cried! I snorted a little more! It was a struggle to get myself under control, however I managed it and mostly behaved during the movie!
We managed to catch a train home, without to much disruption, save for my over-friendly and over-open discussion about masturbating over Kate Beckinsale in skin tight leather that I had with the lad in the shop, telling the train driver that his safety poster was just an advert for welsh travel and almost breaking the very noisy fold down seat!
This is but a small insight into what a semi tame, quite sober night out with me & jay is like! This possibly explains why it is not allowed to happen to often! Or why so many people really can't handle us! But if you can, you should join us next time... it can only get worse, that I promise! :D
Also, you should probably be glad we didn't have the zombie finger puppets this time!
Monday, 6 February 2012
Tied to machines that make me be, cut this life off from me...
So... I have been reading 'Johnny got his gun' which started a lengthy conversation last night...
You see, I have been aware of the book for years, saw the movie a long time ago. I was aware of the movie / book due to the Metallica song 'One'. It is about a man who goes to war, and loses his arms, legs, hearing, sight and speech... he is to all intents and purposes trapped inside his own mind.
So for once, here I am ranting (as usual) about something pretty serious (not so usual). You see, the conversation it sparked, was a healthy debate about what we would do in the same situation. I for one, Would not wish to live in such a situation.
And it occurs to me that it is against my human rights that this one pretty massive decision would be taken out of my hands. In Switzerland you can choose a dignified and respectable end, IF you have a valid reason... you cant just decide you don't like your life any more... But, you can choose to end things on your own terms if you have a terminal illness, you can choose to slip away peacefully, treated with respect by the people around you, no pain, and a little bit of dignity.
So why is this illegal? If (in a similar situation) a friend choose to come to Switzerland with a person who had chosen this option, would they then be arrested?
Why is it, a pregnant woman can terminate quite late into a pregnancy if she discovers the (well formed, by this point) child has a high possibility of something like down syndrome.
When our pets are ill we choose to 'do the right thing by them', if they are suffering, then a trip to the vets and you can choose to give them peace, to end their pain.
We ourselves can choose the 'do not resusitate' option in hospital. We can choose for our organs to go to others in the event of our deaths. We have so much freedom over these things!
Yet we have to suffer the indignity of a wasting and painful death if we are ill... we cannot choose to come to a more respectable end on our own terms.
And yet we live in the age where we are supposedly free to live as we please, we have choice over religion, sexuality, career, we can sign up to fight and die for our country if we are healthy enough. We can starve ourselves, over eat, we can shut ourselves off from everyone or over indulge in every aspect of life. So I really don't understand why euthanasia is such a big issue. The screening process is designed to ensure that it is the correct option for the people who choose it.
Freedom should be ours, choice should be ours!
Euthanasia should not be illegal, It should be a choice that every person should be free to make! It should be a right!
You see, I have been aware of the book for years, saw the movie a long time ago. I was aware of the movie / book due to the Metallica song 'One'. It is about a man who goes to war, and loses his arms, legs, hearing, sight and speech... he is to all intents and purposes trapped inside his own mind.
So for once, here I am ranting (as usual) about something pretty serious (not so usual). You see, the conversation it sparked, was a healthy debate about what we would do in the same situation. I for one, Would not wish to live in such a situation.
And it occurs to me that it is against my human rights that this one pretty massive decision would be taken out of my hands. In Switzerland you can choose a dignified and respectable end, IF you have a valid reason... you cant just decide you don't like your life any more... But, you can choose to end things on your own terms if you have a terminal illness, you can choose to slip away peacefully, treated with respect by the people around you, no pain, and a little bit of dignity.
So why is this illegal? If (in a similar situation) a friend choose to come to Switzerland with a person who had chosen this option, would they then be arrested?
Why is it, a pregnant woman can terminate quite late into a pregnancy if she discovers the (well formed, by this point) child has a high possibility of something like down syndrome.
When our pets are ill we choose to 'do the right thing by them', if they are suffering, then a trip to the vets and you can choose to give them peace, to end their pain.
We ourselves can choose the 'do not resusitate' option in hospital. We can choose for our organs to go to others in the event of our deaths. We have so much freedom over these things!
Yet we have to suffer the indignity of a wasting and painful death if we are ill... we cannot choose to come to a more respectable end on our own terms.
And yet we live in the age where we are supposedly free to live as we please, we have choice over religion, sexuality, career, we can sign up to fight and die for our country if we are healthy enough. We can starve ourselves, over eat, we can shut ourselves off from everyone or over indulge in every aspect of life. So I really don't understand why euthanasia is such a big issue. The screening process is designed to ensure that it is the correct option for the people who choose it.
Freedom should be ours, choice should be ours!
Euthanasia should not be illegal, It should be a choice that every person should be free to make! It should be a right!
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