Finally figured out what's mine...

Last year, around this time I wrote a blog about peoples resolutions and the pressure's that they put on themselves. How people need to make the effort to change the things that they were dissatisfied with, instead of bitching and doing nothing.
I wouldn't call this an update,  but maybe just some musings over the last 12 months of my life and the trials I have faced....  2012 has been a strange year. Really strange.

It started as quite a hard time for me, for 2 reasons. Friends know one, and my closest friends know both - but this isn't about either of those things. The point is that I struggled a hell of a lot over those first couple  of months, a lot. But I have learnt and gained so much this year too. It has been a learning curve and a half for me.

I am now more assured than I have ever been of myself, I know myself better than ever before. I know my breaking points and  my strengths. And I discovered this year that I have pretty much the most incredible friends ever. I mean, I knew they were pretty fucking awesome, but really - They are beyond that.
Some of them have been putting up with my shit for years, (and really guys, I don't know how you did it, but thank you) - others haven't been around that long, but my fuck have they made an impact. I am very fortunate.

I am a very big believer that everything happens for a reason - which means people leave our lives or come into them at the point they do for a purpose. Early in the year I met someone I thought would be no more than a casual acquaintance - Only to find that this person would become a damn good friend and whats more,  would drag my ass kicking a screaming through a really tough time and offer me a degree of stability and the confidence to do things I have been unable to do before. This person walked into my life a week after I really needed someone.
Similarly, a close friendship I had hit the shit pretty badly, early on, and over several months of being quite mean and hurtful, lots of anger and frustration and deciding that the friendship wasn't worth the effort or work - it was almost lost. But, something would always pull it back at the last minute, and it's taken some work, but I'd say we are even closer now and for someone who caused me a lot of hurt, I would not want to consider my life without him around, and he  is pretty damn protective of me - seriously, hurt me - you'll be on his shitlist.
Even my more casual friends, occasional drinking buddies - I have been in a position to have to ask a couple of really shitty things of them and yet they have at no point been mad at me.
Is it me? Am I just that damn lovable? Fuck no - I am just lucky enough to be surrounded by fucking amazing people.

So, 2012 has been a year of struggle, sadness and learning - personal growth n all that shit (no, I don't mean I got fatter either). I have made drastic choices and decisions for myself  - without really having to worry about anyone else or the impact's it may have had. I have done things for myself for the very first time in a long time, and that is something I have seriously needed to do.
I have almost fallen apart this year, and I have been held together and drawn strength from the best people in the world - at least until I found my own again.

Over the next few days I expect to see a lot of comments about how shit the last year was, and how the next one will be better... that's shit. It's what people make of it - it's perspective. I could say it's been shit - but it hasn't because I choose to take out of it the good things. I choose to see the positives that have come out of the hard times. And I choose to use them things to improve my self and my situation.
Next year will be awesome - because good or bad, I learn from every little experience - because good or bad, I have the best people in my life. And now I'm ok and it's my turn to hold them up when they need it. And good or bad,  I can't wait to see what's next.