So.... I have been pretty negative lately. I had a bit of a rough patch, and like most, I have good and bad days...I'm focusing far to much on the bad in my life. So I have made a plan! Lots of positive to focus on!
I'm not sure why I'm putting it here.. this is my place to rant.... but maybe if I get it writ here... maybe it'll kick my ass into doing it.. not just talking about it!
See, Truth be told, I'm a pretty strong person, I'm resilient. I'm the one that gets the 2 and 3 am phone calls when my friends are in meltdown, not the one that makes the calls. Only lately, I seem to have been wandering the darkness, a little more lost than usual. Well, no more! I fully well intend to regain that crazy ass person, that i know is in there... the girl who brushes her teeth in jager and skinny dips drunk in November, the girl who wont pass up a challenge, who will always cross the boundaries. She ain't that lost, so ima get her back... and more improved, and here is my plan...
Firstly, I have been doing an Open university course... (only a starter course) in psychology... so I need to make sure I ace that, Then I need to figure what i will do next, I have no idea where I will take this, however I am determined that I will carry on my study, not just talk about it, or have good intentions, like usual!
I need to focus on my writing... I love to write, yet I never make time for it, however I was lucky enough to have been approached by someone, into working on a really exciting group project. I also have a couple of half started solo projects underway.. I need to dedicate time to these. And when I really am at my lowest, I need to be channelling that into poetry, as I can only ever really write that when I am truly miserable! I need to channel that misery into something creative!
I have been job hunting for a while now, I have to find a job that is more challenging to me, and while I have put efforts into it, I need to put more effort in... I know I am capable of so much more than I do now, So I shall review my CV, come up with an awesome covering letter and hunt more regularly! A change of scenery is vital for me to be fully refreshed, so.. no more under appreciated at groundhog day!
I need to get back into shape, I have gone from 5 days a week at the gym to lifting weights a bit daily at home... I need to dedicate a certain amount of time a day, I need to push myself ... and hard! Somewhere inside this chubby chick there is an anorexic hiding... I want no part in either of these, I want to lose weight (show me a woman who doesn't) but only a little... mostly.. I just need to be it again. Sadly, the gym is not currently an option for me, so i need to make myself work harder at home... or start running, even if i have to wait til dark to do so! Secondly to that, because of laziness, work schedule and other factors.. my eating is shit... I don't even like what I'm eating! So i need to get my old healthy diet back!
I have been talking about going climbing!!!! This will happen, luckily I have discussed it with a few friends, who also wish to do it... which is amazing, because it changes it from something I'd really like to do, to something I will do. So, sometimes I need the motivation of others to do the things i plan... so be it, as long as i find those motivated enough to pull me with them! or, at least, motivated enough to keep my motivation up!
Lastly, and due to financial reasons ... I need to learn to drive, I have had to pass up so many opportunities due to lack of a driving licence / car! Work opportunities, social ones, opportunities that will benefit me in so many ways! So.. I cant afford to even put the money aside (I have my priorities and right now, I'm more worried about my download / soni tickets) right now... but however long it takes, I need to do it. Sadly I am shit with money, luckily, I have someone I can give the money to, who i can completely trust, no matter how much I give... who will look after it for me, and not allow me to flit it away! So, this will be the goal that takes the longest... but i will do it! Also, I'm going to re-sign up for medical trials for the extra cash.
So... there you have it... that is how i intend to fix myself. I will potentially come back on this every now and again and write an update blog... maybe i should have done it as a new blog.. but seeing as this is me, and some ways to fix my broken mind, then maybe not?
I should also mention, right here and now... that i have truly amazing friends, who have patiently and persistently been there for me, day and night... And so, yes.. I need to drag myself out of the mental graveyard I seem to have created for myself, however, it is comforting to know that I can constantly draw strength from them.... and for those friends who are maybe reading this.. I hope you know who you are, I hope you know how grateful I am to you for every second you have been there for me, and I hope you know that I love you all <3
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