Who am I?
I wish to hell I knew - what I do know? Hmmm, lemme see - I am a contradiction, I know that.
I am hard and cold, I won't let you in unless you earn it, I will hold you at arms length as long as I can, I will defend myself against you til the bitter end. I will also love you un-conditionally. I can hand on my heart say, I have in someway loved every single person in my life, maybe for a short time, maybe longer - for many different reasons. Everyone I know has influenced me, affected me, taught me, hurt me, loved me, leaned on me or been someone to lean on. I am who I am for each of these experiences - whoever you are, I love you for it.
I am a hopeless romantic, but I hate romance, I live inside a dreamworld made of horror. I watch it, read it, game it - I surround myself in it, because ultimately, I can believe in that shit, more easily than I can believe in love.
I have no faith in myself, but I will fight for you with every breath I have - If you mean anything to me, I will always fight.
You will always come 2nd to the music, because the music keeps me sane, it reflects everything I am, everything I feel and everything I can be. If you actually wanna find me, I will be on the beach, but you need to know me well enough to know if I wanna be found. I never want you to talk me off the ledge, I want you to take my hand and jump off it with me.
I am an open book, I will tell you my story - It will never mean I have let you in. I will show you the art I cover myself with, but it doesn't mean I will ever show you the scars I carry inside. You can cause my pain, but you'll ever see it.
I have infinite strength, I have victoried a thousand pains, I have triumphed over myself. I have triumphed over you! Whoever you are!
I will dance like my last breath is due, but never when your watching. I will cry for you, but never when you can see. And I laugh til I can't breathe, when all the world can see.
I am who I am, nothing more, everything less. I will continue to cross the line, to push the boundaries. I will give you bluntness and honesty when, even when it 's not in my best interest. I am everything and nothing. I am the sum of the people who have touched my life and nothing more than purely myself!
I am a contradiction and an enigma. I know myself better than I ever have, and I have no idea who I am!
And I'm still fighting! I'm still jumping off the damn ledge everyday. And maybe someday, someone will wanna jump off it with me.
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